I need to write. But really what I need, and I mean it this time, I really finally feel like I need to not judge it as I go. I can judge it later. Sure. The judgement isn’t the reward. “Reward”. Fuck I don’t need a reward. I just need to write.
There’s too much shit in my head and it needs to be out there. Somewhere. If you’re here, welcome. You’ve found the no man’s land of my thoughts. I want to make that less cliche but I won’t because what I need is movement. What I need is speed. I need to get this shit out.
The potential of each idea is too great. The choices seem to never end. Time is the great mass I can’t escape. If I could have it all I’d chase each idea until it rotted and withered, so I can only kill a few. I’ve got to be wise, but wisdom escapes me.
I’m tired now. I’ve been tired for a few months I think. I can’t remember. I can’t remember anything because I’m so fucking tired. At any given point on any given day, if I let my eyes close for a few moments too long I begin to dream. That’s how tired I am. I start dreaming before I’m asleep. I hope I’m awake now. But hey, if not, at least I wrote something, somewhere, even if only in a dream.
But really it just needs to be said. Something, somewhere. So I’ll put it here, for now. I don’t know what exactly this is but I’m glad I said something. Or at least maybe I will be one day when I’ve had enough sleep. But here at this place in time, I have not and so maybe this is not something worth being somewhere at all. I don’t know really. I’m too tired for all of that right now. Just too tired is all. And so well here you go. Now maybe I can get some sleep.